Sure, having children keeps you young and makes you feel like a child again. Here’s why:
- You need permission to go out — not from your Mum, but from your babysitter, who is often your Mum.
- You become friends with the people you happen to be in closest proximity to in the school playground.
- Your social life consists almost entirely of a half hearted Hokey Cokey, something fizzy to drink and some unrelenting sobbing.
- You don’t have any money of your own and definitely none to spend on yourself.
- You rarely go out after dark and when you do, it’s exciting.
- You cry irrationally, and often.
- You don’t sleep beyond 6am.
- Sometimes you pee your pants a bit.
- You don’t get to decide what you do ever.
- You don’t get to choose what to watch on TV ever.
- You aren’t allowed to go to restaurants which have fragile wine glasses already placed on the table.
- Strangers think it’s OK to touch you, talk to you, ask you rude questions and remark on your behaviour.
- You leave the house with food on your clothes and sometimes your face.
- You are convinced that everyone hates you and what you are doing.
- On rainy days you long to make a camp under a duvet and stay there for weeks.
- You pick things off the floor and eat them before really knowing what they are.