Bath time: I'll just sit here and smoke

At bath time and in the morning, when they are getting dressed, there is sometimes shouting. I usually have to ask them to do something a minimum of four times, with increasing volume, before it might happen.

This evening I snapped, as after countless attempts to extract them from the bath they were still absorbed in their own world of flooding my ground floor and comparing wounds (microscopic cuts). Once out, BUB.1 and BUB.2 then proceeded to shake themselves like two hairy dogs, sending water flying everywhere. I shouted. It was a longer than normal shout, because halfway through my reprimand I warmed to my subject and continued longer than necessary. It felt good. I needed it.

They both know that when I shout a) I mean it and b) I still love them dearly because 90% of the time I start laughing halfway through or they do. But when I’d finished, there was silence. Punctuated only, after a few seconds, by BUB.2 sitting himself naked on the landing, and saying: “Well I’m just going to sit here and smoke” as he lit an imaginary cigarette and started puffing nonchalantly on it.

He’s just turned five. We don’t smoke. No one he knows smokes. I don’t know where he has seen anyone smoking. It must be something he got from school, perhaps?

But it sums up parenthood to me.

1) One of them will always stop you dead in your tracks and make you laugh (when you should probably cry) and 2) Once they unfurl themselves from fluffy toddlerhood and become a fully fledged child, you no longer control them and you no longer control their sense of humour.

And in the middle of a raucous, stressful bath time, that is the BEST feeling in the world. These, not the triumphs at Sports Day or the glowing school report, are the parenting moments that speak the loudest to me.

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69 thoughts on “Bath time: I'll just sit here and smoke

  1. I don’t know why but I love this! My boy can make me laugh in the strangest, unexpected ways too. Although he’s never said anything this random. Yet. Give him time, he’s only four! Sports Day can go swivel for me, this is awesome! #ablogginggoodtime

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  2. Oh brother it’s awful how stressful life can get with kids – it’s wonderful that you could have a laugh. The smoking impression is priceless I wonder where he got that from! Thanks so much for joining us at #BloggerClubUK

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  3. I’m baffled as to where our little one gets half of his expressions from!! He hasn’t yet mentioned smoking though, to be fair ?? I blame society – or something like that!! #FartGlitter

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  4. That’s brilliant! You do have to wonder where they come across things. I’m glad it’s not just me who shouts but also laughs at times mid shout! Why are kids so damn good at making us giggle! I had assumed this was a review on Lush bath bombs haha I was pleasantly surprised #bigpinklink xx

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  5. Oh wow! That’s a line and a half to stop you in your tracks! At least you got it off your chest and then were able to laugh afterwards, must be the hardest thing in the world trying to keep a straight face when telling them off! #FartGlitter

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  6. Hi, so funny! It’s those times that catch us laughing unawares that make all the hassles of being a parent worth while. I’m sure you’ll see plenty more too.

    xx

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    1. I know, I’m the same. They often start laughing when I start shouting which just makes it worse – I either get more angry or I just give up and laugh too! Kids!

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  7. Haha – when I saw the title I thought it was you lighting up, but thanks for the unexpected twist to the tale! It’s funny what they come out with isn’t it. A friend of mine said their little one came out with ‘do you fancy a fag?’ after dinner once. They did smoke and quickly realised it was time to quit! I’m waiting for the day my little ones come out with stuff like this. In the meantime I just get the wet floors without the cute quips πŸ™‚

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    1. Oh funny! The cute quips will come. BUB.2 is a little firecracker and I do wonder what will come out of his mouth at any given moment..especially in public! πŸ™‚

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  8. I can absolutely picture this and it must have had you in stitches? Where do they get these things from? My eldest has just started nursery and it amazes me every time she comes out with something that we haven’t taught her. It’s incredible to just see them become their own little people! So funny. Thanks for sharing with #fartglitter x

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    1. Ah, yes, it’s an absolute joy after a few years of controlling most of what they know/say to then be startled by these things. Brilliant! Thanks for reading. xx

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  9. Oh boy, this is downright hilarious! Kids really do have their very own way of warming your heart and breaking your walls. Parenting can be tough, but they truly do make it so worth it ❀ #KCACOLS

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  10. My kids never have taken me seriously…and often make me laugh when they’re being told off (which is the epitome of pointless but makes me feel better sometimes). The smoking though… I’d be half horrified and half deeply amused! Thanks for linking to #chucklemums

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  11. That’s hilarious, Lisa! I’m the same…I usually end up laughing because my youngest says and does the funniest things. And you’re right, it is these moments that stand out. As a family, we will always reminisce about these funny moments rather than the big events. #bigpinklink

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  12. My daughter is always suprising me with the things she says, her very adult phrases that are so unexpected. We have some fantastic conversations! #kcacols

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  13. This made me laugh. My daughter who is only 4 comes out with all sorts when i’m telling her off. Today I was asking her to wash her hands for the fourth time, and she stood up and shouted me and said ‘I can’t wash my hands, because I don’t want to miss the tennis!’ made me chuckle! #KCACOLS

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    1. I LOVE it when they start talking. After all that silence (well, not silence) then suddenly boom, a mini talking chimpanzee has arrived in your house. Hilarious. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  14. This is hilarious!! Bless his cotton socks!! They’re amazing little sponges and characters aren’t they?!!
    Parenting is so tough at times but moments like these make up for it!! πŸ™‚ #KCACOLS

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  15. This post was unexpected and I’m glad it was! It got even more interesting at the end! I do get what you say. My eldest daughter always surprises me with things like that and I’m like: “what did you get that from?” It is so random sometimes but we have to admit that it is also funny! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. It is lovely to have you Lisa. Hope you join us again on Sunday, πŸ™‚ x

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  16. I’m always horrified by smoking comments. My partner used to smoke but he used to go outside and the kids didn’t even realise as he smoked so little. They didn’t ask what it was on his clothes. I’m pleased he has stopped though! Kids tend to get curious about things like that (all the things you don’t want them to be curious about).

    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes linky! Janet

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    1. At least they know smoking is wrong. I think he was just trying to shock me. He’s a little joker. It’s a middle child thing. Glad your partner has stopped, it’s horrid! πŸ™‚ Thanks for reading. xx

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  17. Oh goodness! *apologies for laughing* but where on earth did he get the smoking pose from. I can’t think of them right now, but there have been a few things Little Button has said out of the blue and I have been completely baffled as to where she would have heard it from. It’s amazing what they pick up, and when they decide to showcase what they have learnt. πŸ™‚ Thank you for linking up to the #DreamTeam

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  18. I love the way they manage to floor us with the most ridiculous statements at the most random times – that is most definitely the beauty of children..adults can only get away with that kind of stuff when they are drunk lol! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub this really tickled me! xx

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  19. Oh Kids are so lovely with their randomness (is that word? It is now!), that even in the most serious of moments they have a knack of making us laugh. I wonder where he got the smoking pose from? Really made me chuckle πŸ™‚ Thanks for linking up with us at #FridayFrolics

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  20. Bath times are increasingly hellish here! Hilarious but so strange that he came out with sitting there smoking!

    Thanks so much for linking up to #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time!

    Like

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