Bath time: I’ll just sit here and smoke



At bath time and in the morning, when they are getting dressed, there is sometimes shouting. I usually have to ask them to do something a minimum of four times, with increasing volume, before it might happen.

This evening I snapped, as after countless attempts to extract them from the bath they were still absorbed in their own world of flooding my ground floor and comparing wounds (microscopic cuts). Once out, BUB.1 and BUB.2 then proceeded to shake themselves like two hairy dogs, sending water flying everywhere. I shouted. It was a longer than normal shout, because halfway through my reprimand I warmed to my subject and continued longer than necessary. It felt good. I needed it.

They both know that when I shout a) I mean it and b) I still love them dearly because 90% of the time I start laughing halfway through or they do. But when I’d finished, there was silence. Punctuated only, after a few seconds, by BUB.2 sitting himself naked on the landing, and saying: “Well I’m just going to sit here and smoke” as he lit an imaginary cigarette and started puffing nonchalantly on it.

He’s just turned five. We don’t smoke. No one he knows smokes. I don’t know where he has seen anyone smoking. It must be something he got from school, perhaps?

But it sums up parenthood to me.

1) One of them will always stop you dead in your tracks and make you laugh (when you should probably cry) and 2) Once they unfurl themselves from fluffy toddlerhood and become a fully fledged child, you no longer control them and you no longer control their sense of humour.

And in the middle of a raucous, stressful bath time, that is the BEST feeling in the world. These, not the triumphs at Sports Day or the glowing school report, are the parenting moments that speak the loudest to me.


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  69 comments for “Bath time: I’ll just sit here and smoke

  1. June 30, 2016 at 7:07 pm

    I don’t know why but I love this! My boy can make me laugh in the strangest, unexpected ways too. Although he’s never said anything this random. Yet. Give him time, he’s only four! Sports Day can go swivel for me, this is awesome! #ablogginggoodtime

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:48 am

      BUB.2 is full of random! I love it! Thank you 🙂

  2. June 30, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read all week, ha ha ah ah! #BloggersclubUK

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:48 am

      Brilliant, thank you for reading 🙂

  3. July 1, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    Oh brother it’s awful how stressful life can get with kids – it’s wonderful that you could have a laugh. The smoking impression is priceless I wonder where he got that from! Thanks so much for joining us at #BloggerClubUK

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:59 am

      Who knows? Thank you! x

  4. July 4, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    I’m baffled as to where our little one gets half of his expressions from!! He hasn’t yet mentioned smoking though, to be fair ?? I blame society – or something like that!! #FartGlitter

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:58 am

      I know, I blame Julia Donaldson. There’s a smoker in her Scarecrow’s Wedding book. It must be that….I hope so anyway!!

  5. July 4, 2016 at 11:06 pm

    That’s brilliant! You do have to wonder where they come across things. I’m glad it’s not just me who shouts but also laughs at times mid shout! Why are kids so damn good at making us giggle! I had assumed this was a review on Lush bath bombs haha I was pleasantly surprised #bigpinklink xx

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:57 am

      I know, it was the only bath time themed pic I could find in a hurry!! Bad blogger! 🙂

  6. July 5, 2016 at 7:49 am

    Oh wow! That’s a line and a half to stop you in your tracks! At least you got it off your chest and then were able to laugh afterwards, must be the hardest thing in the world trying to keep a straight face when telling them off! #FartGlitter

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:57 am

      Yup it is. Especially when they start laughing. 🙂

  7. July 5, 2016 at 9:19 am

    Hi, so funny! It’s those times that catch us laughing unawares that make all the hassles of being a parent worth while. I’m sure you’ll see plenty more too.


    • July 6, 2016 at 10:56 am

      I think I will with BUB.2…he’s the one to watch when it comes to one liners!! 😉

  8. July 5, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    Love this, you can’t make this kind of thing up. Real life is much funnier. My 4-year-old constantly makes me laugh and OMG I totally have to turn away sometimes when I am telling her off because I want to laugh. What is with that? #chucklemums

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:56 am

      I know, I’m the same. They often start laughing when I start shouting which just makes it worse – I either get more angry or I just give up and laugh too! Kids!

  9. July 5, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    Haha – when I saw the title I thought it was you lighting up, but thanks for the unexpected twist to the tale! It’s funny what they come out with isn’t it. A friend of mine said their little one came out with ‘do you fancy a fag?’ after dinner once. They did smoke and quickly realised it was time to quit! I’m waiting for the day my little ones come out with stuff like this. In the meantime I just get the wet floors without the cute quips 🙂

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:55 am

      Oh funny! The cute quips will come. BUB.2 is a little firecracker and I do wonder what will come out of his mouth at any given moment..especially in public! 🙂

  10. July 5, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    Love it. Warming to your theme halfway through reprimand … I know EXACTLY what you mean. Very funny. Jo x

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:49 am

      Ha, thank you and thanks for reading!

  11. July 5, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    I can absolutely picture this and it must have had you in stitches? Where do they get these things from? My eldest has just started nursery and it amazes me every time she comes out with something that we haven’t taught her. It’s incredible to just see them become their own little people! So funny. Thanks for sharing with #fartglitter x

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:50 am

      Ah, yes, it’s an absolute joy after a few years of controlling most of what they know/say to then be startled by these things. Brilliant! Thanks for reading. xx

  12. Kim
    July 5, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    Great post and not at all what I was expecting! Gotta love kids! #KCACOLS

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:51 am

      Thank you! I like to surprise! 🙂

  13. July 6, 2016 at 1:36 am

    Oh boy, this is downright hilarious! Kids really do have their very own way of warming your heart and breaking your walls. Parenting can be tough, but they truly do make it so worth it <3 #KCACOLS

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:51 am

      Absolutely, thank goodness for these moments! 🙂

  14. July 6, 2016 at 5:43 am

    Oh yes, it’s a good thing they’re funny or else we’d never give them house room. This is how they charm us into putting up with all the broken sleep. #KCACOLS

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:52 am

      Yes, it’s nature’s way. So clever! Thanks for reading 🙂

  15. July 6, 2016 at 9:03 am

    My kids never have taken me seriously…and often make me laugh when they’re being told off (which is the epitome of pointless but makes me feel better sometimes). The smoking though… I’d be half horrified and half deeply amused! Thanks for linking to #chucklemums

    • July 6, 2016 at 10:53 am

      I was horrified but I am hoping it’s not a habit that will stick! 🙂

      • July 16, 2016 at 7:54 pm

        Popping back from #fridayfrolics… Good job on winning the pants 🙂

  16. July 6, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    Its great, the little gems they come out with. This sounds like such a precious moment, i love it, what stars you’ve got:)

    mainy – myrealfairy


    • July 11, 2016 at 9:18 pm

      They make it all worth it! 🙂 xx

  17. July 6, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    That’s hilarious, Lisa! I’m the same…I usually end up laughing because my youngest says and does the funniest things. And you’re right, it is these moments that stand out. As a family, we will always reminisce about these funny moments rather than the big events. #bigpinklink

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:18 pm

      Ah yes definitely. We still laugh about stupid things and always will. It’s the spine of a family I think! 🙂 Thanks for reading. xx

  18. July 6, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    I find it so infuriating when I am trying to tell her no that she tilts her head and smiles and winks at me and I just break!! GOD DAMN HER!! Its just too cute and I am a pushover

    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

  19. Kat
    July 7, 2016 at 5:32 am

    My daughter is always suprising me with the things she says, her very adult phrases that are so unexpected. We have some fantastic conversations! #kcacols

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:16 pm

      Yep the unexpected ones are the best. Thanks for reading x

  20. July 7, 2016 at 11:54 am

    Slightly concerning but very funny! Laughter is the best way to diffuse a “heated” moment, for sure.

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:16 pm

      Yes it is slightly concerning but hopefully he was just trying to shock me. Tee hee! Thanks for reading xx

  21. July 7, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    I love it when they do things that seem to have no origin other than their own minds. #kcacols

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      It’s brilliant!

  22. July 7, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    This made me laugh. My daughter who is only 4 comes out with all sorts when i’m telling her off. Today I was asking her to wash her hands for the fourth time, and she stood up and shouted me and said ‘I can’t wash my hands, because I don’t want to miss the tennis!’ made me chuckle! #KCACOLS

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      Ha, she has a valid point. No one wants to miss the tennis! Thanks for reading! 😉 xx

  23. July 7, 2016 at 7:38 pm

    The things children come out with make me laugh! I definitely think their characters are so much more important then fab school reports and sports day medals 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #puddinglove

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:14 pm

      Definitely! Thanks for reading 🙂 xx

  24. July 7, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    Haha this made me chuckle! I can’t wait for these moments 🙂 #KCACOLS

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:13 pm

      It’s the best bit. xx

  25. July 7, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    Haha this is hilarious. I love seeing their sense of humor develop – it’s wonderful now that my daughter can talk and amazing what she finds funny! #KCACOLS

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:13 pm

      I LOVE it when they start talking. After all that silence (well, not silence) then suddenly boom, a mini talking chimpanzee has arrived in your house. Hilarious. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  26. July 8, 2016 at 10:56 am

    This is hilarious!! Bless his cotton socks!! They’re amazing little sponges and characters aren’t they?!!
    Parenting is so tough at times but moments like these make up for it!! 🙂 #KCACOLS

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:12 pm

      Definitely! I must watch what I say…;-) x

  27. July 8, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    This post was unexpected and I’m glad it was! It got even more interesting at the end! I do get what you say. My eldest daughter always surprises me with things like that and I’m like: “what did you get that from?” It is so random sometimes but we have to admit that it is also funny! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. It is lovely to have you Lisa. Hope you join us again on Sunday, 🙂 x

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:12 pm

      Thank you, it’s lovely to be part of your linky 🙂 xx

  28. July 9, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    Oh my I would have just creased up – wonder where he got that from. Kids do say the most hilarious things! #PuddingLove

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:11 pm

      He’s a right little joker this one. It was hilarious! 🙂 Thanks for reading! x

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:10 pm

      Fantastic! 🙂 xx

  29. July 10, 2016 at 10:54 pm

    I’m always horrified by smoking comments. My partner used to smoke but he used to go outside and the kids didn’t even realise as he smoked so little. They didn’t ask what it was on his clothes. I’m pleased he has stopped though! Kids tend to get curious about things like that (all the things you don’t want them to be curious about).

    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes linky! Janet

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:09 pm

      At least they know smoking is wrong. I think he was just trying to shock me. He’s a little joker. It’s a middle child thing. Glad your partner has stopped, it’s horrid! 🙂 Thanks for reading. xx

  30. July 11, 2016 at 7:28 pm

    Oh goodness! *apologies for laughing* but where on earth did he get the smoking pose from. I can’t think of them right now, but there have been a few things Little Button has said out of the blue and I have been completely baffled as to where she would have heard it from. It’s amazing what they pick up, and when they decide to showcase what they have learnt. 🙂 Thank you for linking up to the #DreamTeam

    • July 11, 2016 at 9:08 pm

      I know!I dread to think what other nuggets he has stored up in his brain for future use! Bless him…;-) Thanks for reading xx

  31. The Tale of Mummyhood
    July 13, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    Ah laughter really is the best medicine!


  32. July 13, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    Your five year old sounds like he is a little character! I agree though, its moments like these are the ones that stick with you the most 🙂 Emily #bestandworst

  33. July 14, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    I love the way they manage to floor us with the most ridiculous statements at the most random times – that is most definitely the beauty of children..adults can only get away with that kind of stuff when they are drunk lol! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub this really tickled me! xx

  34. July 14, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    Love this. I don’t shout for long either – no point and often a giggle and tickle works wonders. I bet the image of him smoking was hilarious and so random!! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

  35. July 16, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    Oh Kids are so lovely with their randomness (is that word? It is now!), that even in the most serious of moments they have a knack of making us laugh. I wonder where he got the smoking pose from? Really made me chuckle 🙂 Thanks for linking up with us at #FridayFrolics

  36. July 17, 2016 at 10:21 am

    I love the way kids can completely flaw you with what they come out with and where the hell they learnt it! Mine do it to me all the time. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  37. July 21, 2016 at 1:00 am

    Bath times are increasingly hellish here! Hilarious but so strange that he came out with sitting there smoking!

    Thanks so much for linking up to #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time!

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